Embracement

Good day, Friday.

Fei came down last weekend for so many days, I was so happy. Fei arrived on last Thursday, and left on Tuesday morning. All thanks to the Raya holidays. :)

Fei is coming down again this weekend! Also another long weekend, but this time I get to be off work on Monday too cos it's Labour Day! So I get to spend an extra full day with Fei!

NOT.

Fuck my life. Woke up this morning feeling weird - base of my nose had that same feeling when I first caught Covid. Felt uneasy. Knew I had to get the self-test kit done but I was chicken. :( Because what if it turns out positive again? Will I die earlier from catching Covid twice? I won't get to see Fei this weekend! I won't get to spend my long weekend with Fei where I actually get to be off work on a Public Holiday! And I went to the office yesterday and had lunch with my colleagues... what if I accidentally passed it to them? Although I never had any symptoms before this morning... :'(

Got up from the bed, did the test. Saw a shadow at the place where the second line is if you're positive and thought I saw wrongly. Then the line came out. Everything came crashing down again. Just like the last time. I didn't know what to feel. Couldn't cry. Wanted to cry. At least I would've felt better if I just cried. :(

I don't get to see Fei this weekend anymore.

I don't get to spend my long weekend with Fei. 不甘心.

I went to the office yesterday and had morning coffee + lunch with my colleagues.

My plan of driving back home next week. 

All these thoughts flew by my brain. :( Couldn't lie to myself that the test kit is faulty. 

Texted my manager, texted my work buddy, texted the colleague whom I had morning coffee with. :( Felt so bad. So much guilt. They all live with their families and one of them is traveling back to her hometown tomorrow to spend time with her parents. :( What if they caught it too because of me? :(

I tried tracing back where I would've caught it. But couldn't tell.

Bro has been sneezing and blowing his nose the past few days. I asked him to do the test when he woke up this morning and he said it's negative.

Where did I get it from? Why me again? :( I don't even go out that much, except for the weekends when Fei is here. :( And when we're indoors, we put our masks on. :(

The only silver lining is... I caught it in KL here, without mummy being around so she isn't exposed to the virus again. 

Why though? :'(

Think I'm gon go crash in a while...

Why me?

Update @ 7.34pm - I think God is consoling me for feeling down... my passport renewal application has passed!!! After 934801293820935834095890 attempts at fixing my photo... 🥲

Thank you Buddha and KuanYin.